Becoming Iman by Iman Rappetti

What a candidly written book! WOW! She is so honest and so real and was courageous enough to write on the things that many of us would not even think of sharing with anyone let alone the world. This was a very human story full of contradictions, growth, mind-changing etc. all the things that make us relate on a human level. 

HAIR

Without going into the ever-so-trite natural vs. straightened hair debate, I mention it because hair came up a lot in the book. Iman is coloured and she has what she calls 'kroes' hair that has to be chemically straightened. Iman goes through a whole journey with her hair from growing up with the 6 weekly relax routine, to her shaving it all off in Iran so that she would not be distracted with vanity and she could focus all her attention on learning about God and truth. She takes off her scarf in a group of Iranian women and all jaws hit the floor and all the women are shocked that she really had shaved her 'glory' off. She reminded me how much identity can be found on top of women's heads. I've always found hair so encumbering, so time consuming and also rather painful. I remember when I was younger, my mother would unplait, wash, plait my hair every single Saturday the year had to offer and while I was flinching and squirming and making pan-frying-eggs sounds, in the back of my mind I was thinking about how I would rather be outside playing. That has not gone away. My big issue with hair is that sometimes women serve their hair rather than the other way around. While I'm completely open to people's preferences regarding hair and that it plays a huge aesthetic  and perhaps spiritual role, what I cannot wrap my head around is how people will refrain from doing the things they enjoy doing because of their hair. When I first joined the gymnasium, I would spend a large part of my time worrying about my hair because I would sweat a lot and my relaxed hair would riot. I then decided that either I would stop exercising or change my hair; I changed my hair. I know a lot of friends who quite enjoy the pool and you can see they lus to just baptise themselves fully in that water but  they always curb their enthusiasm because of their hair. Adornment should never stand in the way of you doing the things you enjoy doing or you being able to fully express yourself. 

Iman makes this joke about the fact that chemical hair straightener is called Relaxer. She asks what are the manufacturing companies saying about our natural hair, that its uptight? When I was younger there was a kwaito song that went along the same grain. 'Relax, bopha iphondo'. While our naturally straight- haired counterparts are told to let loose by unburdening their heads of the up-do and the scrunchie, we are told that in our natural state we are just in a state of tension. 

RELIGION

'Intense can't describe what we were like as young people. When the search for truth or perspectives leaves the airy space of open debate and becomes claustrophobically restrictive and prescriptive, when it becomes intellectually violent or traumatising, when it ceases being a beautiful opening of a treasure trove of new ideas but the agent of repression, one must stop and consider.'

'We must pay attention to the frontiers of our ignorance' Sam Harris

I have been at that place where you start thinking about your religion or looking around you at the all the things being done in the name of your religion and thinking to yourself, 'nope'. Or looking at some of the stuff written in the texts of your religion and thinking 'nope'. Colonialism, apartheid, sexism, patriarchy, racism, classism, homophobia, xenophobia, surveillance, repression, exclusion, othering, war etc.  have had some scriptural backing and this has bothered me for the longest time. I came to the realisation that 'because the Bible says so' was just not good enough a reason for me and I realised I would have to delve deeper and redefine what it means for me to be a Christian. I had to start back at basics, at the foundation of my faith which has led me to a place where I know I can live and thrive in it and my faith is endurable, inclusive, airy and everyone being equal under it, regardless how different they are from me. 

CLINGWRAP SEX

Tears welled up in my eyes when I read this chapter which is about a man whose wife has to ask him to go down on her which he does with such reluctance that he places clingwrap between his mouth and her. It was a tough chapter to read but once again it highlights a realm of human experience where women are punished for wanting to experience it, sexual pleasure, I mean 'how dare women ask for reciprocity?' The tri-factor rears its ugly heads. Shame. Guilt. Humiliation. When women try to exercise their sexual agency, these are the things that they will have to face and its just so traumatising that this human experience which is supposed to be yummy, intimate, adding to, is filled with such caustic ugliness. 

In another chapter, Iman speaks about her experience when she decided to wear additional head covering in Iran which only showed her eyes. She expected to just become invisible in the streets of Iran but instead drew in more attention.

'When we make the obvious unreachable and untouchable, when we exoticise the normal, such societies become wired to make that which is off limits even more coveted and desirable, and fetishes the generally commonplace.'

Besides the fact that the burden always falls on women, that they should not entice men, when all this women with her likes and dislikes is reduced to a mere sexual organ. There is also the fact that women continuously walk the prude/loose tightrope and not only that, but that it is entirely their fault- whatever attention they get is their fault and their fault alone, whatever name they are called is their fault and their fault alone and whatever is done to them is their fault and their fault alone. 

I want to close this blog with a line from Iman which was so poignant for me. She said:

'Reality is a holy place' of which I completely agree with.